Executive Assistant Jackass of the Day

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kmcdon
kmcdon's picture

Ft. Collins, from what I understand, has a thriving and very fit cycling community.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 00:12
Wintage Townie
Wintage Townie's picture

That's why that particular whopper was so funny.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 00:15
NOVELTYNAME
NOVELTYNAME's picture

If I would hear something like that I would
smiley “honeyyyyy”

"Folks want options!"

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 00:28
Shortpants
Shortpants's picture
(Reply to #4504)

Wintage Townie wrote:
Where do you even start with that? My knees hurt just watching the shadow of this rider

This is actually what stood out to me immediately. His knees are going to be so fucked.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 01:00
mander
mander's picture
(Reply to #4505)

NOVELTYNAME wrote:
Seattle italia

Autisimus maximus

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 01:07
Perlhammered
Perlhammered's picture
(Reply to #4506)

Wintage Townie wrote:
Until he was fired last week for gross incompetence, I was working with a 2006-style fixie kid, who ardently insisted that fixed gears were faster than road bikes. He went out on a road ride around Mercer Island with one of the fast guys at work, and he disappeared after the first hill.

Same kid also claimed that, where he was from, in Ft. Collins, Colorado, there were no cyclists, so he and his friends held all the Strava KOMs. In Fort Collins.

Boggles my mind when people make claims that, in this day and age, are so immediately verifiable as false, to the point where mid-sentence you could bring up said KOMs and just "no" them.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 08:58
Sneaky Viking
Sneaky Viking's picture

ckd wrote:
I mean, seriously. We're just a bunch of washed up bicycle burnout dipshits.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 22:27
aerobear
aerobear's picture
(Reply to #4508)

Perlhammered wrote:
Wintage Townie wrote:
Until he was fired last week for gross incompetence, I was working with a 2006-style fixie kid, who ardently insisted that fixed gears were faster than road bikes. He went out on a road ride around Mercer Island with one of the fast guys at work, and he disappeared after the first hill.

Same kid also claimed that, where he was from, in Ft. Collins, Colorado, there were no cyclists, so he and his friends held all the Strava KOMs. In Fort Collins.

Boggles my mind when people make claims that, in this day and age, are so immediately verifiable as false, to the point where mid-sentence you could bring up said KOMs and just "no" them.

I would just pull out my phone mid-conversation, open strava in the browser, go to his strava page, and check his KOM list. chances are if he has any KOMs, they're segments he made up that have no one else on the leaderboard.

those same kind of fixie bros are also the ones who always would claim they raced at the track in portland and i'd be like "that's weird cuz i've been out there every week for the last 5+ years and i've literally never seen you.."

crowding wrote:
Every time i eat Dick's I just wind up disappointed that I'm not getting In-n-Out.

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 23:02
Lowrey'sOrgan
Lowrey'sOrgan's picture

Sneaky Viking wrote:
https://imgur.com/aP5LeaY

My favorite camping joke is about how I'm gonna Leave No Trace those blackberries ever existed

Thu, 10/05/2017 - 23:10
Shortpants
Shortpants's picture
(Reply to #4510)

Sneaky Viking wrote:
https://imgur.com/aP5LeaY

I want to print this out and post it all over town. Fuck burning man and fuck those people. They're the same people that litter and/or leave things all over retail stores but say "it's someone job to pick it up".

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 03:20
emor
emor's picture

one of my least favorite middle school companions -- a real prick, even then -- has turned out to be a huge burning man person. Goes every year. Got married there. Posts about it all the time. And he is still, by all indications, a huge prick.

"my main life goal is to have a dirtbag camper van with a bunch of bikes on it, go camping every vacation forever" -- me

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 13:12
eric_ssucks
eric_ssucks's picture

I knew a bunch of people in Seattle in 2000-2005 who were pretty into burning man, and some still go. They were the people holding parties, cultural appropriation nights (e.g. belly dancing, fire dancing, pretty much "_____ dancing"), metal shows, urban golf, and in general were pretty exciting to be around. Some were also pricks, some are still pricks, and I'm sure that many have taken their narcissism to other venues. I always enjoyed the week they were gone, but I also enjoyed when they came back because shit got weird again.
TL;DR BM is like PAX or any other big ass thing: it is what you make of it, and there's irritating people everywhere.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 18:54
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

Burning Man has not just gotten bigger, it's become a mirror for the changing character of the west coast. the quirky iconoclastic trapplings of the west coast is just a shell or a set of lifestyle cues for a new class of technical and financial experts who have largely displaced the wacky artsy west coast (which took up some of the space that was formerly occupied by the blue collar west coast that came up in the Steinbeck/WWII foundries / GI Bill era).
It's telling that the trappings of groovy new age / countercultural life can be co-opted to the point that it's a venue where Travis Kalanick can pal around with Grover Norquist and Paris Hilton. I've never thought burning man seemed cool, but it's a hell of a barometer of change in a culturally significant part of the United States.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 19:23
eric_ssucks
eric_ssucks's picture

Fuck yeah dude. I'm living that transition and I'm finding that shit is fucked up, yo.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 21:27
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

I've spent about thirty of my about forty years on the west coast, and yeah, I have felt steadily more marginal at each turn. Part of that is probably just getting older, but it's also the underlying economic shift, the steady influx of money from the rest of the world, the total marginalization of anyone not making massive piles of money. I don't love everything about Richmond VA, but moving here from the Bay Area was like returning to the real world. People have normal jobs, and can live off of what normal jobs pay. You can hold down a minimal-stress day job and have time to make comic books or be in a band, you're not scrimping to survive on $80k a year.

i mean, the Dead Kennedys may have gotten at this in California Uber Alles, but still, I'm gonna gripe about it too.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 21:50
eric_ssucks
eric_ssucks's picture

Why did I move to Castle Rock wa again? People here are stupid, literally. Was out with my kid and I made some joke that used a couple $5 words and one if the people I was talking with called me a college graduate, like that's a bad thing. Told her I would have said the same thing when I was in high school. Really though, everyone has Google in their pocket and if you don't understand fuckin look it up.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 22:19
Wintage Townie
Wintage Townie's picture
(Reply to #4517)

emor wrote:
one of my least favorite middle school companions -- a real prick, even then -- has turned out to be a huge burning man person. Goes every year. Got married there. Posts about it all the time. And he is still, by all indications, a huge prick.

My coworker got married there this year.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Sat, 10/07/2017 - 22:44
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture
(Reply to #4518)

iwillbe wrote:
I've spent about thirty of my about forty years on the west coast, and yeah, I have felt steadily more marginal at each turn. Part of that is probably just getting older, but it's also the underlying economic shift, the steady influx of money from the rest of the world, the total marginalization of anyone not making massive piles of money. I don't love everything about Richmond VA, but moving here from the Bay Area was like returning to the real world. People have normal jobs, and can live off of what normal jobs pay. You can hold down a minimal-stress day job and have time to make comic books or be in a band, you're not scrimping to survive on $80k a year.

i mean, the Dead Kennedys may have gotten at this in California Uber Alles, but still, I'm gonna gripe about it too.

I gotta tell ya, I moved here (Seattle) from Atlanta three years ago and the similarities are a little striking. Yeah, houses are a little cheaper there, but I made less money as a teacher there. The only place I could possibly have afforded a house was the burbs and I'd had to have taken another 10k pay cut to work out there or deal with an hour+ commute. It'd have been a lot easier to live there on 80k a year, but I would have needed a PhD and 20 years experience to make that much.

Basically, I make 15k more here and have about the same lifestyle and future prospects. Probably would feel a lot different if I was doing California west coast life.

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Tue, 10/10/2017 - 08:33
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

1. sure, but you're a transplant, give it ten years of residence to see how things change as you live through the changes. You're also, from what I associate with your avatar, not raising kids at this point. You can live a somewhat spartan bohemian life in LA/SF/PDX/SEA if you're living alone or whatever, but it gets damn near impossible to raise a family wthout really scrimping unless you have significant income.

2. Altanta is THE mega-boom city in the South (texas isn't the south), so I'd expect there are some similar patterns of economic and cultural geography. Altlanta's layout is basically "Los Angeles, but more car-choked and hellish", so the commuting and pay cut stuff doesn't surprise me.

3. My claim is not that the west coast is some magical unicorn zone that's unlike everything else on earth, just that as a west coast native who's lived other places, each time I come back to live or visit, it feels sharply less like home and more like a party for very rich people.

Tue, 10/10/2017 - 08:56
emor
emor's picture

Yeah, living in Seattle as a single/DINK was pretty nice. Once my wife and I hit about 35k in annual compensation each around 2012 or so, we were sitting pretty, doing whatever we wanted and never stressing about money. Then we had a kid and my wife stopped working and everything went to shit, financially, even though I saw a pretty huge set of raises over a few years. Now that we're in Minneapolis, on roughly the same monthly take home (I pay income tax and new health insurance is twice what it was in Seattle), and we will probably be buying a house in a year or two. Keep in mind that there was no trade down in city amenities, and in most cases our quality of life is higher. Never mind the constant feeling of dread that Seattle was far from peak cost of living.

"my main life goal is to have a dirtbag camper van with a bunch of bikes on it, go camping every vacation forever" -- me

Tue, 10/10/2017 - 09:15
shane.rrr
shane.rrr's picture
(Reply to #4521)

emor wrote:
Yeah, living in Seattle as a single/DINK was pretty nice. Once my wife and I hit about 35k in annual compensation each around 2012 or so, we were sitting pretty, doing whatever we wanted and never stressing about money. Then we had a kid and my wife stopped working and everything went to shit, financially, even though I saw a pretty huge set of raises over a few years. Now that we're in Minneapolis, on roughly the same monthly take home (I pay income tax and new health insurance is twice what it was in Seattle), and we will probably be buying a house in a year or two. Keep in mind that there was no trade down in city amenities, and in most cases our quality of life is higher. Never mind the constant feeling of dread that Seattle was far from peak cost of living.

Do you have family in Minneapolis? Having family available to help with my son is the biggest and main reason I haven't moved.

Tue, 10/10/2017 - 09:30
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

Yeah, that's the thing for me and Richmond VA. My tastes are relatively modest and my cultural frame is deeply middle class. I like how huge cities usually have a couple of amazing book / record shops, and it's nice to know for sure that any touring culture thing you might want to see will definitely come through your town. The vibrancy of being in the center of where stuff happens gives life a real sense of energy, too.

the flipside, like you say, is that there's this real doom vibe for everyone who works in co-operative economies, who works as a teacher, who wants to hold down a coffee shop job so they can do a weird politics podcast and a semi-popular blog. Everything's getting sharply more expensive, the jobs that pay well enough to keep you around are either open only to people in elite college alumni networks or require years of re-training (good luck with that while working and raising kids). I don't begrudge anyone's life who works for Amazon / Google / some private equity entity that invests in eventual Amazon/Google acquihires, getting those jobs takes a lot of work, and advancing in them means working intensely hard. It's just that these companies don't hire that many people relative to market cap - they aren't going to employ enough people to make the rising tide that floats all boats, and their tax scams mean that their profits aren't going to enrich the places where they're based.

So, yeah, I'd expect that the Minneapolises and Richmond, VAs of this country are going to really take off as / get ruined by huge influxes of people who, in other eras, would have moved to or stayed in big west coast cities. I get the feeling that the big cities of the east coast, despite being similarly expensive, tend to have slightly better networked communities, so it's easier to find things like cheap housing and below-market childcare. They are more mature, less transplant boom towns like everything past the Rockies.

Tue, 10/10/2017 - 09:49
Shortpants
Shortpants's picture

nail on the fucking head there.

I wish I hadn't burned myself out on Richmond by growing up there. It'd be a great place to move to after I burn out of big city living.

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 00:17
Goddamnit Gunther
Goddamnit Gunther's picture

Boise is pretty rad and also getting flooded with Californians. Cost of housing (and everything else I guess) is increasing and availability is dropping. Meanwhile, the minimum wage is still under $8ph. So sometimes I fear for the future a little bit

Endpoint wrote:
turdly buttways

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 10:43
Rusty Piton
Rusty Piton's picture

emor wrote:
Bicycle commuting is the worst way to get anywhere except for all the other ways.

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 10:46
Goddamnit Gunther
Goddamnit Gunther's picture

An old white hippie knocking out a black man with a hand drum. Good lord.

Endpoint wrote:
turdly buttways

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 10:54
emor
emor's picture
(Reply to #4527)

shane.rrr wrote:
emor wrote:
Yeah, living in Seattle as a single/DINK was pretty nice. Once my wife and I hit about 35k in annual compensation each around 2012 or so, we were sitting pretty, doing whatever we wanted and never stressing about money. Then we had a kid and my wife stopped working and everything went to shit, financially, even though I saw a pretty huge set of raises over a few years. Now that we're in Minneapolis, on roughly the same monthly take home (I pay income tax and new health insurance is twice what it was in Seattle), and we will probably be buying a house in a year or two. Keep in mind that there was no trade down in city amenities, and in most cases our quality of life is higher. Never mind the constant feeling of dread that Seattle was far from peak cost of living.

Do you have family in Minneapolis? Having family available to help with my son is the biggest and main reason I haven't moved.

Nope, but family went from a 2-5 hour plane trip to a 4.5 hour drive. Ideally we'd be in Madison or Milwaukee but baby steps.

"my main life goal is to have a dirtbag camper van with a bunch of bikes on it, go camping every vacation forever" -- me

Wed, 10/11/2017 - 16:29
cheese
cheese's picture

I wish I had been able to afford to buy a house in Richmond while I lived there. Now the way things are going it's unlikely that I'll be able to move back to any of the areas I'd want to live, since salaries aren't increasing commensurate with home values.

Thu, 10/12/2017 - 19:18
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

huh? Where did you want to live? Church Hill 2014? Church Hill is bogus.

So many great parts of town that are just as close to the rest of everything.

Woodland Heights and Lakeside being two solid examples.

Lakeside is 15 minutes from down town by bike. Woodland Heights is the same. Nice little places slightly further out the Monument/Patterson corridor past Libby too.

People looked at me like I was growing horns when I said moving to Church Hill was dumb.

Thu, 10/12/2017 - 20:38
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

Look just because Church Hill is really inconvenient for grocery shopping and there's only one good school and the only streets in and out of the neighborhood are always either gridlocked or have stop signs every block and it's full of NY/SF transplants and there are only three restaurants open past 8pm and the sidewalks are made out jagged bricks randomly sticking out of the ground doesn't mean that it's a shitty place to live oh wait oh god why do I live here

I happily concede that Church Hill is a nice place to live, but not to buy a house in. I'd also point out that if you're used to the traffic and travel times of a bigger city, fucking nothing in Richmond VA seems bad. For all my griping about having to go all the way across town to see a picture at The Byrd or whatever, really, it's 4 miles. That's like, two blocks in Chicago.

Thu, 10/12/2017 - 22:31
cheese
cheese's picture

Carillon/Byrd Park, the City Stadium area, Riverside, were reasonable but not so much now. I guess I'm biased against Northside but maybe it's safer now with less property crime.

Fri, 10/13/2017 - 13:03
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

There has been way more fucked up shit go down in those neighborhoods than Lakeside.

Fri, 10/13/2017 - 22:09
mdilthey
mdilthey's picture

New roundabout in Amherst increases my chance of cycling-related death by 200%

The intersection was already bad. if they just put in a simple roundabout it probably would have been fine, but they dotted the whole area with weird triangular concrete barriers, creating a go-kart track of confusion. Through my department, I now get to see behind the curtain at the planning/zoning process that goes into projects like this and I'm stunned it turned out so terribly.

26/M/41t N/W

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 12:57
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

Okay, cool, you actually know about this stuff, so lay it out: I always hear that roundabouts are better for managing smooth flows of traffic and that they're safer for cyclists. My anecdotal experience leads me to think that's a huge pile of horseshit, and that for cyclists in the US, roundabouts are murder carousels. So, prospective traffic engineer, what's the deal?

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 14:23
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture

The main issue I've experienced with roundybouts are due to a lack of driver training/understanding. They'll probably be great after a generation grows up watching their parents use them.

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 15:22
mdilthey
mdilthey's picture

Mostly, I don't really know. I am in Regional Planning but i'm in climate change adaptation, so I know the basics of how the decision process goes, and I know in Massachusetts there are sizeable grants that towns can apply for for "innovative" road construction projects, which 99% of the time seems to be roundabouts. Massachusetts has a real hard-on for roundabouts right now. The problems with roundabouts in the U.S. usually go as follows, especially in the crowded Northeast (as I can tell):

1. Roundabouts that are overmarked, over-separated, and over-developed tend to turn into high-speed cars-only infrastructure. The heavy use of medians and barriers and islands essentially channels cars into their approach and sends a clear message that it's a cars-only zone. There are lots of roundabouts in the area that are extremely simple, with no markings and no signs, no white stripes, and tons of crosswalks, and they send the opposite signal - slow down, there could be bikes/people ahead, this is a shared space. This phenomenon applies to all kinds of car-related road features. If you undermark/underpaint your roads, counterintuitively, safety tends to go up in a lot of cases (but not all).

2. Roundabouts with too many approaches. When you have six or seven entry points, things get very difficult to manage, and this isn't uncommon. The one I showed has 5, when it could very easily have had four. It's overly complex. I found the plans so you can see what I'm talking about with the entry points/islands:

No reason for them. This roundabout is the same size with the same number of feeder roads and the same angles:

Way simpler, way safer.

3. I don't actually think roundabouts are fundamentally more dangerous than any other intersection. 96% of bike accidents happen in intersections, they all suck. The previous iteration of this exact intersection made left-hand turns from the east road almost impossible for cyclists, since you had to contend with traffic going west-east, AND traffic turning right from the west road. It was nightmarish. I often took the sidewalk, which I would otherwise never do (I'm a chronic "bicycle rights!" lane hog).

And some U.S. roundabouts just really, really suck. Two of my favorites:

~1000 feet from my house, we have "The Spin Zone" double roundabout:

And near my grandmother's house in Eastern Mass. Four fucking lanes!

26/M/41t N/W

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 15:59
iwillbe
iwillbe's picture

Ah, somehow I thought you were a road design civil engineer type. Yeah, agreed on all of that. There was a roundabout in a town I used to live in that included a FREEWAY OFF RAMP which was, I assure you, an absolute treat to navigate on a bike. "Ah, I have exited the freeway, and there is nothing immediately indicating to me that I should not continue to drive at 70mph while watching Dancing With The Stars on my mobile telephone, Hmm, a funny sort of curve in the road, better just fucking blast on through"

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 16:06
mdilthey
mdilthey's picture

Yeah. That's the story with the last one there, in Hull. Highway speeds.

Here's a better picture of the new one (it's really, really new so pics are hard to come by):

They could have easily, EASILY cut the road from 3 lanes to 2 lanes for this. They are going to significantly reduce the amount of congestion with the roundabout, so the third turning lane is no longer needed. Then you put in a nice simple roundabout, with no barriers or islands and no massive road hazard paint jobs and less than the current 22 road signs, and four simple entry/exit points, and everyone would actually use their eyes, instead of being distracted/lulled into a go-kart mentality.

26/M/41t N/W

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 16:14
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture

I think the over-striping is an attempt to mitigate the issue of folks not understanding how to use them.
TC: I get nervous around roundabouts because I'm not 100% sure of what I should do in any given situation. But I think that's kind of the point of not striping them.

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 16:19
heavymetal
heavymetal's picture

Prison island has millions of roundabouts. They're perfectly fine when they're incorporated into driver training. You've still gotta deal with inattentive drivers and whatever, but as long as there's no clever design fuckery going on and they stick with tried-and-true roundabout norms then it's not really a problem.

On the flipside, first time I came to the states and had to deal with driving through 4-way stops? I nearly shit myself every time, we don't have these at all...

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 16:30
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture

Lol. Good to hear that perspective.

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 17:07
mdilthey
mdilthey's picture

I take the lane for the two busy 4-way stops between my house and Trader Joe's, and cars either ignore the order of operations to let me go first, or they ignore the order of operations to cut me off. As soon as a bicycle enters the game, there's a 100% chance the rules fall apart.

26/M/41t N/W

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 17:09
Wintage Townie
Wintage Townie's picture

My experience with roundabouts is that I feel about 100,000,000,000,000x safer in them than I do any of Seattle's totally uncontrolled 4-way intersections.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 20:11
ShartAttack
ShartAttack's picture

They are putting in a big ass roundabout at an interstate on-ramp near my house. Given how people already drive at the currently simple intersection, it would take a lot to convince me it will ever be safe to ride my bike through (though I guess I'm still gonna try it cuz yolo)

Former RAGBRAI enthusiast

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 21:19
emor
emor's picture

Roundabouts are undeniably safer than any signalized intersection, for any road user. At least in my opinion. It reduces the number of crossing streams to just one - look left and go if clear. As a cyclist I ride in the very middle of the lane and boat through.

Anyways, some fun stuff happened in Minneapolis this weekend:

Some new lanes were installed in a dense neighborhood, lots of boring normies are complaining, some jester started a fake protest event on Facebook as a hilarious joke, and a bunch of pathetic assholes showed up anyways.

"my main life goal is to have a dirtbag camper van with a bunch of bikes on it, go camping every vacation forever" -- me

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 21:22
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

Holy shit.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 21:30
sparksflyhigh
sparksflyhigh's picture

What is the idea behind the mongrelized intersections which are basically a 4 way intersection with a goddamn planter stuck in the middle, like they were trying to make a roundabout without any money? Is it just to slow everyone down?

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 21:39
Wintage Townie
Wintage Townie's picture

Holy shit, "Nazi Lane"?!

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 22:00
ckd
ckd's picture
(Reply to #4549)

sparksflyhigh wrote:
What is the idea behind the mongrelized intersections which are basically a 4 way intersection with a goddamn planter stuck in the middle, like they were trying to make a roundabout without any money? Is it just to slow everyone down?

That's exactly the purpose, but they have the added benefit of turning into car ramps when drunk drivers plow thru them in the middle of the night.

-is a sandwich
-is a REAL doctor

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 22:16
NOVELTYNAME
NOVELTYNAME's picture
(Reply to #4550)

Wintage Townie wrote:
Holy shit, "Nazi Lane"?!

We found the sign maker

"Folks want options!"

Sun, 10/15/2017 - 23:34

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