Holy shit/Bike Shop lulz

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akasnowmaaan
akasnowmaaan's picture

bradencbc wrote:
The thing about faceless companies is weird to me... The 4 primary brands I deal with are Cannondale, Redline/Torker, Rocky Mountain, and Niner. With the exception of Redline I have an outside rep that I see all the time..

Oh, I was talking as a customer, not a shop. I could have called that out a little better.

Should have said it was just a cross check with different geometry. - Todd

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 18:11
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

I'm curious now... as a customer why do you see it this way?

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 19:55
akasnowmaaan
akasnowmaaan's picture

bradencbc wrote:
I'm curious now... as a customer why do you see it this way?

When I call a place like Ibis or Niner, I talk to people whose names I've seen on the web. Either they've been quoted on a press release, or I saw them in an interview, or something like that. They deal with me in a far different manner than a support person working from a script for a larger, publicly-owned corporation.

I say that as someone who's actually spent half my week manning chat rooms at work helping people do their taxes. There are very few places I've dealt with of any size that have transcended that disassociation. Like, Zappos, or Kayak for example. Maybe that's not even fair because I studied their help and business models as part of my job.

I admit, it's a really touchy-feely thing, it may not even be fair, but I tend to give my business to folks that are smaller rather than larger if given the chance.

Should have said it was just a cross check with different geometry. - Todd

Wed, 02/16/2011 - 23:12
EJ
EJ's picture

Got to work on this gem yesterday, lulz were had.

ckd wrote:
Hey Josh, WTF is up with your signature?

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 08:52
Russell
Russell's picture

haha. fuckin ikea bike. I bet that was a blast working on that tin monstrosity.

MoonCat wrote:
Americas turban

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 08:58
EJ
EJ's picture

You know it's serious business when I pull on the Park coveralls smiley

ckd wrote:
Hey Josh, WTF is up with your signature?

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 09:01
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture

You installed the fork backwards. Haven't you seen their video?

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 11:07
feta lightning
feta lightning's picture

bonechilling wrote:
We had to change our pricing recently. Regular cables are still replaced for $10 per cable, but internal cables and housing are charged by-the-hour, at $75 per hour.

the older cervelos with through the top tube routing and those dumb pop out side panels on the down tube make me want to kill myself. and once they're run, the bike would shift like shit anyway because the little stupid side panels had enough freeplay in the frame cutout that they would rotate a tiny bit and fuck it all up.

also with regards to pulling cables before following through something else: easton one piece bars with the internal cable housings that just hang there. game over.

true story.

today we had a fat creepy old man come in and try some cannondale quicks, the flat bar road hybrid. he tries the carpet fiber one first, and says it "transmits a constant hum, like a sportscar." we send him out on the top end aluminum jawn and swap some 35s for the 28s and a big fat saddle on the crabon one and send him back out. he gets talking to our owner, who is also a fat creepster perv, and somehow the topic of rub and tugs comes up. he tells the owner he'll buy the bike if he gets him laid. they proceed to go to a russian house of ill repute, and the man returns (quickly) and purchases said $2400 crabon hybrid, 80$ zipp bottle cage and some other stupid shit.

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 20:57
biek

feta lightning wrote:
today we had a fat creepy old man come in and try some cannondale quicks, the flat bar road hybrid. he tries the carpet fiber one first, and says it "transmits a constant hum, like a sportscar." we send him out on the top end aluminum jawn and swap some 35s for the 28s and a big fat saddle on the crabon one and send him back out. he gets talking to our owner, who is also a fat creepster perv, and somehow the topic of rub and tugs comes up. he tells the owner he'll buy the bike if he gets him laid. they proceed to go to a russian house of ill repute, and the man returns (quickly) and purchases said $2400 crabon hybrid, 80$ zipp bottle cage and some other stupid shit.

holy shit.

pappaheugwang wrote:
u mad bro?

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 21:09
dougtruck
dougtruck's picture

wat in the actual fuck

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 21:13
gusmore

what exactly is a russian house of ill repute?

are we talking like some shithole in brighton beach?

[quote=johnnyraja]In Mexico they call that position "el gringo boracho"[/quote]

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 21:29
stronglight1047
stronglight1047's picture

so glad not in retail.

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 21:33
Larry Winget
Larry Winget's picture

biekridd wrote:
feta lightning wrote:
today we had a fat creepy old man come in and try some cannondale quicks, the flat bar road hybrid. he tries the carpet fiber one first, and says it "transmits a constant hum, like a sportscar." we send him out on the top end aluminum jawn and swap some 35s for the 28s and a big fat saddle on the crabon one and send him back out. he gets talking to our owner, who is also a fat creepster perv, and somehow the topic of rub and tugs comes up. he tells the owner he'll buy the bike if he gets him laid. they proceed to go to a russian house of ill repute, and the man returns (quickly) and purchases said $2400 crabon hybrid, 80$ zipp bottle cage and some other stupid shit.

holy shit.

So did the "massage" lady get a commission on the sale?

Also, I am pleased to add the phrase "rub and tug" to my vocabulary.

The Pitbull of Personal Development®

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 21:44
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

biekridd wrote:
feta lightning wrote:
today we had a fat creepy old man come in and try some cannondale quicks, the flat bar road hybrid. he tries the carpet fiber one first, and says it "transmits a constant hum, like a sportscar." we send him out on the top end aluminum jawn and swap some 35s for the 28s and a big fat saddle on the crabon one and send him back out. he gets talking to our owner, who is also a fat creepster perv, and somehow the topic of rub and tugs comes up. he tells the owner he'll buy the bike if he gets him laid. they proceed to go to a russian house of ill repute, and the man returns (quickly) and purchases said $2400 crabon hybrid, 80$ zipp bottle cage and some other stupid shit.

holy shit.

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 22:07
Face
Face's picture

wow, the owner of the shop i work at is no longer bad at all.

Mr. Pubes wrote:
i fear that you are so lost in your own asshole that you may never be found again. do you have a flare gun? send for help.

Thu, 02/17/2011 - 22:34
series of good ...
series of good decisions's picture

i would quit if i allowed myself to think of my boss in these ways. i know there's truth somewhere in these ideas, but i don't think about them.

something about being a boss must automatically turn you into a fat pervert asshole.

Cross track road it's all good. Cept Tarck. Tarck sucks.

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 00:21
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

Some 30-something woman came into the shop with her shitty sub-$400 hybrid that she had purchased from us complaining that she had brought it in three times and it still didn't work right. I was the one who worked on the bike the last few times and confirmed again that there was nothing wrong with the bike except that it was a piece of shit straight out of the box. It braked and shifted as well as it was going to. Upon hearing this, she got very upset and started calling MDMA liar and and a cheat and all kinds of shit, at which point my boss stepped in and started talking to her. I was pretty sick of her shit so I left. He came back into the shop about ten minutes later telling me to build up a jamis coda in the next hour and that we were going to let her return the bike for full store credit and he would sell her the coda at 15% off. When I asked why, he dropped this gem:

"Hey, it makes the customer happy and the pussy wet."

This is the same guy who spent two hours in a fit helping a young woman try out saddles to find the right one. Then, he abruptly handed her one, put it on the bike and scooted her out of the fitting area. Why the sudden snap judgment? "Well, she told me she had a boyfriend, so that was the right saddle." Done.

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 00:59
oogens
oogens's picture

holy shit this page

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 05:27
curiousincident
curiousincident's picture

seriously. got damn.

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 08:13
tjayk
tjayk's picture

itt i realize that my bosses/owners of lbs are awesome.

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 09:51
timberland boots
timberland boots's picture

tjayk wrote:
itt i realize that my bosses/owners of lbs are awesome.

Seriously.

Last I was in the shop I bought nothing and chatted with the owner for 45 minutes about all the hilarious ways we've hurt ourselves mountain biking. Not once did the topic of pussy come up, apparently I'd taken for granted how awesome this was

Anal Beads Al-Qaeda Ball Gag NAMBLA

Fri, 02/18/2011 - 10:16
wickedwagon
wickedwagon's picture

there's an lbs i go to occasionaly for rides. after the ride i always end up drinking a beer or two after the ride.

jordanpattern wrote:
BRING ME THE BINDERS OF WOMEN!

Sat, 02/19/2011 - 13:07
Gary Fissure

wickedwagon wrote:
there's an lbs i go to occasionaly for rides. after the ride i always end up drinking a beer or two after the ride.

cool story bro?

Sat, 02/19/2011 - 13:29
feta lightning
feta lightning's picture

racer/customer comes into the shop yesterday saying that his bottom bracket is making a creaking noise. mechanic starts to roll it outside for a quick test ride when he notices something odd about the down tube. a hugeeeee crack. looks like it started at the weld, at who knows what point, but quickly propagated over the course of his days training ride, which had included a 40+ mph descent down the bumpy river road/alpine basin and some 9w sprints. scary. i'd say there was probably only an 1.5" left in the tube between the terminus of the crack and where it propagated.

any comments on possible failure reasons from the builders?

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 11:31
circuithero
circuithero's picture

one, is the top tube buckled at all?

two, if it is, ask him if he left his bike on the roof of his car while pulling into his garage.

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 11:54
RJ
RJ's picture

Standard BB overhaul.

Good as new.

truckdoug wrote:
go fuck yourself, fun hating motherfucker

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 12:26
Elderbear
Elderbear's picture

tjayk wrote:
itt i realize that my bosses/owners of lbs are awesome.

Truth. There's always frustrations and little stuff, but damn.

johnnyraja wrote:
This is the most pointless conversation ever had on a forum entirely devoted to pointless conversation.

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 12:46
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

Ti breaks. More often than ti builders would like us to believe. Starts at an overcooked weld... then it's go time.

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 16:27
imoscardotcom
imoscardotcom's picture

this thread has provided so much enjoyment for me; god damn.

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 22:04
naterod
naterod's picture

oogenssssss wrote:
holy shit this page

Sun, 02/20/2011 - 22:30
littletinyfish
littletinyfish's picture

One time I went into a shop to pick up a bag for my then GF. She was taking her time mulling over a couple different bags and, in the process was ribbed by one of the workers about I don't know what the fuck. I noticed he had a chainring tattooed on his arm, but in order to get it big he stretched it out so it was more ovular. After a few more taunts from him I just said, "Nice tattoo. Is that a Biopace?" The look on his face was priceless. Shut him up real good.

this was a big deal a hundred years ago when everything sucked balls ---match avatar

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 00:45
aek
aek's picture

Perfect.

doofo wrote:
tarck eats ur soul one lol at a time

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 01:17
Freestyler Faixee
Freestyler Faixee's picture

Sick burn smiley

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 01:17
wickedwagon
wickedwagon's picture

she's a keeper

jordanpattern wrote:
BRING ME THE BINDERS OF WOMEN!

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 01:31
RJ
RJ's picture

ovular...

truckdoug wrote:
go fuck yourself, fun hating motherfucker

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 10:24
username
username's picture

When I was a kid, I used to go to this LBS on the upper east side with my best friend Dudley. We would buy handlebar streamers and covet banana seats and just hang out with the owner who was this very kind man. Then one day he asked Dudley if he wanted to play 'Neptune: King of the Sea'. It sounded like fun so he told Dudley to take of his shirt just like Neptune. He started massaging Dudley's shoulders and I could tell Dudley was very uncomfortable. The LBS owner started to lead Dudley to the bath and I started to take off my shirt when the LBS owner said, "No, not you."

I left and never went back. Why was I not good enough to play Neptune, too? I ended up getting cornered by the Gooch at the corner store and got the living crap beat out of me.

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 16:34
jr
jr's picture

Bwarharhar

miguelaron wrote:
obese and unamerican
is your name Fat Albert Queda by any chance?

euclid wrote:
If you never open packages or slice fruit, is life really worth living?

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 16:46
conor
conor's picture

username is my favorite user.

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 17:45
oogens
oogens's picture

bradencbc wrote:
Ti breaks. More often than ti builders would like us to believe. Starts at an overcooked weld... then it's go time.

...

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 18:47
Tail Hook Lengthener
Tail Hook Lengthener's picture

bradencbc wrote:
Ti breaks. More often than ti builders would like us to believe. Starts at an overcooked weld... then it's go time.

Very true, especially when you're dealing with a builder who is unexperienced with Ti. The worst offenders I know of are the LeMond Ti bikes, which Trek stupidly tried to have made by their welders in Wisconsin. Literally every single one we ever sold came back cracked, from the builder overheating a thin spot of tubing to attach the cable braze-on. One guy's bike split in the middle of a decent, and literally the only thing keeping the bike together were the shift cables.

Most of the rest of the cracking Ti frames that I've seen have come from super light tubing, usually Merlin Extra Lights or similar bikes, that were ridden hard and put away wet. And then, most of the time, the frame was replaced or fixed by the manufacturer.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 21:07
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

Seen a few broken Extralights myself. Employee's Lynsky 29er shit the bed last year. A few other random ti bikes over the years too.

Maybe when I get old and infirm I'll see the point of ti bikes... now not so much.

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 21:26
liquify
liquify's picture

Here is Bruce, owner of the shop I used to work at in Urbana. The place is a tad cleaner now, I think.
Seems lulz worthy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L1m1QIFTtg (sorry, no embed available).

Mon, 02/21/2011 - 23:42
rauce
rauce's picture

how on earth does that place stay in business?

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 00:27
Endpoint
Endpoint's picture

No shit... this is why people hate bike shops.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 09:26
Elderbear
Elderbear's picture

I love that: "We're open approximately 1:00 to 6:00 weekdays"... I understand what draws folks to 'hole in the wall' type places, but that sort of inconsistency is just irritating.

What was is like working there, Frank?

johnnyraja wrote:
This is the most pointless conversation ever had on a forum entirely devoted to pointless conversation.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 11:21
dougtruck
dougtruck's picture

i love that dude

"life is too short to work on shitty bikes"

words to live by atmo

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 13:51
liquify
liquify's picture

Yeah, it is hard to really get a feel for Bruce without actually meeting him.
In response to Braden, he is also the reason people love bike shops. Once you get through the cantacorous, asshole outside, he is a really nice guy that is willing to help you out quite a bit. He is also not fond of making you spend more than you want/need to on bikes (unlike other places in CU). His mechanic course was really the best money I ever spent. So long as customers do not come in pretending they know more than he does, he is usually fine. Since he is close to campus, there are a lot of kids that come in on walmart bikes that they bought from friends. The problem is exacerbated by the fact they are exchange students who don't have a great handle on the language and dont understand that their 'friend' ripped them off by selling them their bike that sat uncovered throughout the winter. In the long run, he wants you to care about your own bike. He will walk you through how to change a flat tire, then sell you a patch kit and tire lever so you can keep the old tube.

Another thing that can help explain his demeanor is that he is the sole employee of this hole in the wall shop. Outside of me working there a few summers, I believe only one other person was ever employed at the shop. He has a pretty loyal following, owns the building and apartments above him, and only needs to get buy selling the steady stream of commuters that keep flying out the doors, plus a few sweet NOS bikes he has in the back. He is also the only shop that will attempt to straighten out a jacked up wheel or fix your steel bike by bending it back with appropriate tools.

Working for him is just fine. Mostly just shoot the shit and discuss the news that comes on the local public radio station that is broadcasting from across the street. The hours thing is kinda frustrating, but I just told people 2-6 was their best bet. Frequently he was there by 130, but he was always there by 2. The worst part of working there was hot f'n hot it was in that store since there wasn't much opportunity for circulation. My glasses constantly slipped down my nose coz sweaty nose here.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 15:41
Elderbear
Elderbear's picture

lwkwafi wrote:
In response to Braden, he is also the reason people love bike shops.

This is true. I don't think that video paints him in the most positive light. I could see him being a supercool dude, but all we see here is "your bike sucks and I don't have time to deal with it and I hate everyone who doesn't have the same ideas about cycling as I do". There's a few small shops around Minneapolis that have a similar feel to them, especially once you get to know the folks behind the initial crotchety exterior.

johnnyraja wrote:
This is the most pointless conversation ever had on a forum entirely devoted to pointless conversation.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 16:33
liquify
liquify's picture

Right, to an outsider the video might not paint him in the most flattering light, but it was done by someone Bruce knew and then is mostly only accessed and appreciated by those that know him (until people like me post it to strangers). Bruce isn't one for advertising and seems to do just fine via word-of-mouth recommendations. If people see this and don't want to bring their bike in, great, because he has other things to work on. It's an odd mentality, to be sure, but for someone not looking to expand and that loves what they do, it works out just fine.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 16:58
Gary Fissure

frosty mongrel wrote:
how on earth does that place stay in business?

the thing about shitty bike shops near college campuses is: they can afford to be dickheads because the clientele keeps refreshing... every semester there are fresh faces to abuse.

that place looked absolutely filthy.

Tue, 02/22/2011 - 20:24

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