Holy shit/Bike Shop lulz

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dougtruck
dougtruck's picture

omg i'd rage so hard on someones face if they tried to talk to me about siping on bicycle tires

Thu, 12/16/2010 - 21:48
crabbi
crabbi's picture

radicole wrote:
circuithero wrote:
"i need a bike for my 10 year old son that will last him until college"

everyday.

my favorite:

"I need a bike that I can commute on, and like, do long rides."

"okay...so we're looki---"

"Oh, also, i like to go off road and stuff."

"have you thought about a price range?"

"like...$300?"

facepalm inside.

All of this.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
if you're here, you probably fucked up somewhere along the line.

Thu, 12/16/2010 - 21:57
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

white folks wrote:
omg i'd rage so hard on someones face if they tried to talk to me about siping on bicycle tires

Thu, 12/16/2010 - 23:54
Rusty Piton
Rusty Piton's picture

Tc: I've never heard of siping before today.

emor wrote:
Bicycle commuting is the worst way to get anywhere except for all the other ways.

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 00:19
littletinyfish
littletinyfish's picture

stiffytruck wrote:
i'm perty sure that the most annoying/insane bike shop customer is jesus
and he is coming back to test bike shop employees
to see if you are worthy to get into heaven
better treat them nice

There are going to be a lot of bike shop mechanics in Hell.

this was a big deal a hundred years ago when everything sucked balls ---match avatar

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 10:51
biek

Rusty Piton wrote:
Tc: I've never heard of siping before today.

this.

pappaheugwang wrote:
u mad bro?

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 18:02
dougtruck
dougtruck's picture

its important that you realize siping is useless on bicycle tires. a bicycle will never go fast enough or have a big enough tire contact patch to hydroplane

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 18:29
oogens
oogens's picture

Rusty Piton wrote:
I've walked up to shops to discover that their free air only works for shrader or only went up to like 60psi so I've asked to use a floor pump. But I usually carry a road morph so it's mostly a non issue, but it has happened.

more lulz comes from the air pumps on campus (probably only go up to about 75psi, but NEXT mountain bike tires are only meant for like 45)

so funny to watch them leave the pump chuck on their valve stem for like a minute, then hear the tube exploding

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 19:15
hiljentaa
hiljentaa's picture

Such an entertaining thread, hah.

I work in a similar environment... A small guitar shop, so the daily interactions with customers are much the same. So much internal facepalming and raging are had every single day for me. I'll try to come back with some stories...

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 20:08
beargrinderrrrrr
beargrinderrrrrr's picture

littletinyfish wrote:
stiffytruck wrote:
i'm perty sure that the most annoying/insane bike shop customer is jesus
and he is coming back to test bike shop employees
to see if you are worthy to get into heaven
better treat them nice

There are going to be a lot of bike shop mechanics in Hell.

i can think of one that a part of me wants to imagine being there.

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 21:07
littletinyfish
littletinyfish's picture

I work at a non-profit Collective and it's funny to see people pull up on halfway decent bikes and ask to trade them in for something else. First, we don't do trades, and second, since most of our bikes are shitty department store donations their bikes are usually way better than what we have to offer, even if they're currently riding a department store bike.

We have to convince them that they'd be better off bringing in their bikes to get them fixed. And "convince" is the right word. It's never a simple "No, dude, our bikes suck." You always gotta point out everything that's wrong with the bike they want and how easy it would be to just adjust their derailleur.

this was a big deal a hundred years ago when everything sucked balls ---match avatar

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 21:18
blickblocks
blickblocks's picture

radicole wrote:
circuithero wrote:
"i need a bike for my 10 year old son that will last him until college"

everyday.

my favorite:

"I need a bike that I can commute on, and like, do long rides."

"okay...so we're looki---"

"Oh, also, i like to go off road and stuff."

"have you thought about a price range?"

"like...$300?"

facepalm inside.

Wouldn't a hybrid work fine for them? I almost bought a Trek hybrid my first year of school, it was only $300. I'm sure you could ride on a towpath without breaking the thing.

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 21:19
Sneaky Viking
Sneaky Viking's picture

^seriously.
selling Kona Smokes was easy as having them in stock in the right size.

ckd wrote:
I mean, seriously. We're just a bunch of washed up bicycle burnout dipshits.

Fri, 12/17/2010 - 23:23
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

Jamis Coda dude. Best hybrid ever. Aside from my flat bar trek (RIP).

TC: I really like riding Jamis Codas and have seriously considered EPing one for a beater/lockup bike that I would secretly have fun on.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 02:26
radicole
radicole's picture

blickblocks wrote:
radicole wrote:
circuithero wrote:
"i need a bike for my 10 year old son that will last him until college"

everyday.

my favorite:

"I need a bike that I can commute on, and like, do long rides."

"okay...so we're looki---"

"Oh, also, i like to go off road and stuff."

"have you thought about a price range?"

"like...$300?"

facepalm inside.

Wouldn't a hybrid work fine for them? I almost bought a Trek hybrid my first year of school, it was only $300. I'm sure you could ride on a towpath without breaking the thing.

but that's too HEAVY. don't you have something lighter? with more gears, maybe?

My point is that these people don't know what they want, nor do they have an appreciation for importance of priority and functionality.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 03:17
Sneaky Viking
Sneaky Viking's picture

deadforkinglast wrote:
Jamis Coda dude. Best hybrid ever. Aside from my flat bar trek (RIP).

TC: I really like riding Jamis Codas and have seriously considered EPing one for a beater/lockup bike that I would secretly have fun on.

yeah, that looks pretty good too. really gives you most of it, I'd imagine.

ckd wrote:
I mean, seriously. We're just a bunch of washed up bicycle burnout dipshits.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 09:39
Rusty Piton
Rusty Piton's picture

Needs ergon grips.

emor wrote:
Bicycle commuting is the worst way to get anywhere except for all the other ways.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 13:23
wickedwagon
wickedwagon's picture

my cross is set up very similar to that. only difference is lack of gears. gives me all of it

jordanpattern wrote:
BRING ME THE BINDERS OF WOMEN!

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 16:15
Tail Hook Lengthener
Tail Hook Lengthener's picture

TC: I love hybrids like that. I don't own one, but I think they're often the best, most practical bike for most bike buyers.

Sneaky Viking wrote:
when you look back at your life sometimes you see a set of hands on your keyboard and a set of paws, but sometimes there's only a set of paws and that's when Tarckbear was typing for you.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 17:20
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

When someone walks in and can't tell me what kind of bike they want, I start them with the coda. Probably half of my bike sales are codas.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 18:12
balonya
balonya's picture

Wife almost bought a coda, but she got a Cross Check instead. ( I think looks played a part)

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 20:59
rauce
rauce's picture

There's only one person who comes into the coop I work at who really drives me nuts. He knows just enough about fixing up his shitty hybrid to do most of it himself but his shop etiquette is terrible. He always cuts way to much cable and then tries to pay for only what he used, leaves tools and parts out when he leaves and tries to return shit he used for a week. What makes it worse is that hes convinced that upgrading is how you fix shit, so when he does a shitty job of installing/adjusting his brakes or drivetrain and it doesn't work right it must need to be replaced (hurp, my brake pads aren't sitting right, can i return these and get better brakes.. derp), so hes always coming back week after week.

As annoying as that shit is, nothing is as annoying as when he talks about how awesome the bike that he keeps at his parents place in toronto is. He claims to ride koga miyata sig. series world traveler, a fredmobile eqiupped with a rohloff 14 speed internal hub and hydraulic rim brakes. He says because It costs $5000 hes not allowed to take it to university with him.

When I asked what kind of touring he does on he it said...

"I mostly ride it around the city when I'm home and this one time I took it with me to Montreal for a weekend."

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 21:44
dougtruck
dougtruck's picture

that thing looks like someone played coming in hot on it thru a nashbar warehouse and whatever stuck to it was allowed to stay.

also its butt fugly

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 23:11
cycology
cycology's picture

white folks wrote:
that thing looks like someone played coming in hot on it thru a nashbar warehouse and whatever stuck to it was allowed to stay.

also its butt fugly

fucking lol.

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 23:22
spaghetti
spaghetti's picture

doug why don't you do standup

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 23:38
biek

god coming in hot on recumby trikes sounds so much fun
i'll post one of my bikeshop stories itt soon

pappaheugwang wrote:
u mad bro?

Sun, 12/19/2010 - 23:40
JUGE FREDD
JUGE FREDD's picture

white folks wrote:
that thing looks like someone played coming in hot on it thru a nashbar warehouse and whatever stuck to it was allowed to stay.

also its butt fugly

s/nashbar/starbike/g

It's a pretty standard high-end german fredmobile, the only concession is the cheap dynamo instead of a Schmidt. Would not be at all surprised if that's the exact setup it shipped from the factory with.

It's a struggle, but you cut out his tongue, and his last words are "atmo atmo Atmo ATMO ATMOOOOOGORIHGGHRSHGGRLMGGMMGMgrrglegurglegrr....."
– akasnowmaaan

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 01:27
rauce
rauce's picture

I just can't understand why someone who knows very little about bikes and has no need for a touring bike would choose to waste their money on a crazy fredmobile instead of a really sweet fixie or a high end carbon roadie which are at least semi-applicable for their use and equally as expensive....

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 00:27
JUGE FREDD
JUGE FREDD's picture

Coz he can actually ride a crazy fredmobile and get all of it

I've got way more respect for the fredmobilers than the kids buying Phil Wood track hubs laced to Vs or the old men with beer guts buying Niners and Cervelos (given an equal level of insufferableness)

It's a struggle, but you cut out his tongue, and his last words are "atmo atmo Atmo ATMO ATMOOOOOGORIHGGHRSHGGRLMGGMMGMgrrglegurglegrr....."
– akasnowmaaan

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 01:36
balonya
balonya's picture

blasdelf wrote:
Coz he can actually ride a crazy fredmobile and get all of it

I've got way more respect for the fredmobilers than the kids buying Phil Wood track hubs laced to Vs or the old men with beer guts buying Niners and Cervelos (given an equal level of insufferableness)

Hey watch your step kiddo

This geZzer rides a double cross dc and rocks a mini beer gut with pride.

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 01:57
jamey
jamey's picture

how did Niners get included in this?!

truckdoug "never turn down free beer, dont stick your dick where you wouldnt put your face, and always ride shimano"

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 09:56
timberland boots
timberland boots's picture

balonya wrote:
blasdelf wrote:
Coz he can actually ride a crazy fredmobile and get all of it

I've got way more respect for the fredmobilers than the kids buying Phil Wood track hubs laced to Vs or the old men with beer guts buying Niners and Cervelos (given an equal level of insufferableness)

Hey watch your step kiddo

This geZzer rides a double cross dc and rocks a mini beer gut with pride.

You must be going senile if you think your Double Cross is in Niner or Cervelo territory smiley

Anal Beads Al-Qaeda Ball Gag NAMBLA

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 10:41
JUGE FREDD
JUGE FREDD's picture

jamey wrote:
how did Niners get included in this?!

They're super expensive purpose-designed ballermobiles and worth every penny — thus having a similar JA / BA ownership split.

It's a struggle, but you cut out his tongue, and his last words are "atmo atmo Atmo ATMO ATMOOOOOGORIHGGHRSHGGRLMGGMMGMgrrglegurglegrr....."
– akasnowmaaan

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 11:19
jamey
jamey's picture

hmm, i never thought about that. i see a lot of Niners out on the trails, but it always seem like the owner knows what they are doing. maybe it's because i see these people on rad colorado trails, so that weeds out the jackasses?

truckdoug "never turn down free beer, dont stick your dick where you wouldnt put your face, and always ride shimano"

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 11:22
aerobear
aerobear's picture

Some high as fuck hipster just came into the shop.

He asked what cheap 650 tubulars we had in stock. When I said we didn't have any, he responded with a stunned "Really??"

Then he went on to explain that he was under the impression that almost all 650s were tubular and that any shop would have some. He told me performance had one for $26.

He then wandered around the shop all rubber legged. Then he started talking about this guru and asked if it was for an ironman.

crowding wrote:
Every time i eat Dick's I just wind up disappointed that I'm not getting In-n-Out.

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 19:55
littletinyfish
littletinyfish's picture

That reminds me of when a hippy came into our shop and assumed that because we get a lot of donations everything that was donated was free. We told him he's gotta put in time or money, cuz that's how the Collective works. He came back the next week and did the same thing for a few weeks until we got pissed and yelled at him that nothing in life is free, that we're not there to help him build up bikes to sell.

Then we went to a Bike Swap later and left a friend's girlfriend in charge while we wandered around. He walked up to the table and started asking her questions, so I approached. When I got there she said "This gentleman wants to-"

"NOPE!" I interrupted.
"Umm..."
"I don't care. The answer is no."

The dude left and I haven't seen him since.

this was a big deal a hundred years ago when everything sucked balls ---match avatar

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 20:43
balonya
balonya's picture

Rich wrote:
balonya wrote:
blasdelf wrote:
Coz he can actually ride a crazy fredmobile and get all of it

I've got way more respect for the fredmobilers than the kids buying Phil Wood track hubs laced to Vs or the old men with beer guts buying Niners and Cervelos (given an equal level of insufferableness)

Hey watch your steyp kiddo

This geZzer rides a double cross dc and rocks a mini beer gut with pride.

You must be going senile if you think your Double Cross is in Niner or Cervelo territory smiley

oh no .... geezer in beer gut territory.

Mon, 12/20/2010 - 21:47
Elderbear
Elderbear's picture

littletinyfish wrote:
The dude left and I haven't seen him since.

Awesome.

johnnyraja wrote:
This is the most pointless conversation ever had on a forum entirely devoted to pointless conversation.

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 12:02
deadforkinglast
deadforkinglast's picture

jamey wrote:
hmm, i never thought about that. i see a lot of Niners out on the trails, but it always seem like the owner knows what they are doing. maybe it's because i see these people on rad colorado trails, so that weeds out the jackasses?

I would guess there's a percentage of Niners that live in a garage 360 days out of the year.

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 12:53
max power
max power's picture

stiffytruck wrote:
i'm perty sure that the most annoying/insane bike shop customer is jesus
and he is coming back to test bike shop employees
to see if you are worthy to get into heaven
better treat them nice

jesus or no, if one more person calls to ask if we carry "fixie saddles" I will fucking end them

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 13:11
jamey
jamey's picture

deadforkinglast wrote:
jamey wrote:
hmm, i never thought about that. i see a lot of Niners out on the trails, but it always seem like the owner knows what they are doing. maybe it's because i see these people on rad colorado trails, so that weeds out the jackasses?

I would guess there's a percentage of Niners that live in a garage 360 days out of the year.

that's true.

truckdoug "never turn down free beer, dont stick your dick where you wouldnt put your face, and always ride shimano"

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 18:23
pixieshatintruck
pixieshatintruck's picture

max power wrote:
stiffytruck wrote:
i'm perty sure that the most annoying/insane bike shop customer is jesus
and he is coming back to test bike shop employees
to see if you are worthy to get into heaven
better treat them nice

jesus or no, if one more person calls to ask if we carry "fixie saddles" I will fucking end them

what saddle would jesus ride

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 18:30
naterod
naterod's picture

wouldn't he just float on top of the top tube sans saddle and seatpost?

also, I've never worked at a shop, but lollin at this thrad.

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 18:40
max power
max power's picture

stiffytruck wrote:
what saddle would jesus ride

homeboy doesn't need a saddle, he just floats around doing those stupid elephant trunk skids

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 19:30
TimArchyLime
TimArchyLime's picture

Why do I automatically lump the above graphic in the same group as the hitler skid photoshop? I feel like that says something very disturbing about my psyche.

Snarky Varking wrote:
Tarckbike- Where mile 11 means you're on a long ride.

Tue, 12/21/2010 - 20:49
johnnyraja
johnnyraja's picture

TimLOKOed wrote:
Why do I automatically lump the above graphic in the same group as the hitler skid photoshop? I feel like that says something very disturbing about my psyche.

Whenever I see it, "Shine On You Crazy Diamond," starts playing in my head. Not sure which one is worse.

miguelaron wrote:
obese and unamerican
is your name Fat Albert Queda by any chance?

euclid wrote:
If you never open packages or slice fruit, is life really worth living?

Wed, 12/22/2010 - 08:15
EJ
EJ's picture

stiffytruck wrote:
i'm perty sure that the most annoying/insane bike shop customer is jesus

Tell me about it. Just the other day he came in wanting to test ride cross bikes. I figured he must be ballin so I grab a nice Ridley in his size to set up for a test ride but he asks me if we have anything that weighs a bit more. After a bit of awkward discussion I send him out for a test ride on the cheapest hybrid/cross bike in the shop. He's out there for a while so I decide to go out to the parking lot to check on him, dude is just stumbling around carrying the bike on his shoulder. What a fucking weirdo.

ckd wrote:
Hey Josh, WTF is up with your signature?

Wed, 12/22/2010 - 08:58
johnnyraja
johnnyraja's picture

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa holy shit

miguelaron wrote:
obese and unamerican
is your name Fat Albert Queda by any chance?

euclid wrote:
If you never open packages or slice fruit, is life really worth living?

Wed, 12/22/2010 - 09:19
jamey
jamey's picture

game over. fin. shut it down. that's a wrap. etc.

truckdoug "never turn down free beer, dont stick your dick where you wouldnt put your face, and always ride shimano"

Wed, 12/22/2010 - 09:26
SUPERVEEPS
SUPERVEEPS's picture

Should have tossed him a hand-up or two.

Wed, 12/22/2010 - 11:45

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